Have I mentioned recently how much I really want to change my name?
To Arlene.
Because not much would ever be expected from an Arlene. Arlene can make you brownies. Arlene is a proud member of the Moose Women’s lodge. Arlene sets up the candles on the altar every Sunday and brings red jell-o with bananas and Cool Whip in it to the church potlucks. Arlene can shop at Dress Barn for special occasions. Arlene is just happy about her red border of petunias that she’s got planted around her mailbox, lawd’s yes she is. Arlene has a pink and black bowling shirt for Thursday winter league and that bowling shirt has a word stitched over the left breast in fancy script and white thread.
And that word is Arlene.
I suspect my life would be easier, although the hard part would be watching ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ and saying ‘Oh, that Raymond’ he sure is a funny you-know-what.’ I suspect that I’d also have to convince Steven to change his name as well. Wendy and Steven goes together well, but Arlene and Steven just clashes like polka dots and houndstooth. Perhaps Otto, which has the added bonus of being a palindrome. Not that Arlene knows what ‘palindrome’ means. Arlene suspects it might be a breed of horse, like those white ones that come to the Veteran’s Arena every winter and dance, well, you just never saw a thing so pretty in all your life.
Yes. Arlene.
I think I’m also going to lobby Steven to change his last name to Bickford. Or perhaps Bipple. Like nipple, only with a touch of Wonder bread.
Do you think I’d get fired from my job if I came to work in a house dress and slippers? Boy, I hope so.